Hello, perspective enthusiasts!
Let me introduce you to a friend and excellent healing practitioner, Jessica Dufour.
Not only does Jessica Dufour believe people can change their attachment style – she consistently guides her clients to earned secure attachment, just as she’s earned her own.
Like me, Jessica is an experienced NLP practitioner and systemic family constellation facilitator. She specializes in healing attachment trauma, and she’s really good at it.
Dufour’s straightforward and vulnerable way of communicating is refreshing and relatable. Listening to her share her story and purpose was equally heartbreaking and uplifting.
She’s been through it and is on the other side.
Dufour explains our attachment styles emerge from childhood. Whether we’re ambivalent, avoidant, or disorganized, it’s a sign we grew up in a dysfunctional home. That dysfunction didn’t start with us, and if we ignore it, it won’t end with us.
When I asked Jessica if she showed up as someone with a disorganized attachment, she responded, “Big time, I didn’t even know that was what was going on until I learned about all this.”
We all start somewhere – even those of us helping others along their journey. It’s important to remember; you don’t know until you know.
When you know, you are aware; and you can reach for something different when you’re aware.
In her early 20s, Jessica found herself attracting and attracted to toxic, abusive men with alcohol issues. The push-pull dynamic paired with the energy and chemistry this type of man brought was intoxicating – like a drug.
For a long time, relationships were a rollercoaster of intense highs and miserable lows. After a particularly intense interaction with her on-again, off-again boyfriend at the time, her dad called her out:
Why do you keep picking these men?
For the first time Jessica saw her part in the dynamic. She decided to go to therapy.
Thousands of dollars later, she had more understanding around what created her experience but wasn’t any closer to actually changing it. One therapist simply told her, “Choose differently.” With that, Dufour was exhausted and pissed off. On the verge of giving up, she pressed the universe to send her something that would actually work – and the universe delivered.
Cleaning her apartment (Jessica loves to clean and organize – it gives her a sense of control when life is completely out of control), she heard Tony Robbins on a YouTube video announcing, ‘If you wanna change your life, you gotta do NLP.’ Tony piqued Dufour’s interest, and she jumped in.
Jessica’s journey towards becoming an NLP practitioner started with visits to them as a client. For three years, she dedicated herself to seeing different practitioners. Each time she noticed something she wanted to shift or change in her life, she brought it to a session.
As she changed her beliefs, life got better.
We have conscious beliefs and subconscious beliefs. If they’re not both lined up in the same direction, then you’re going to have a fight internally.
Jessica Dufour
Oftentimes we want, work towards, and try to manifest something consciously, but unbeknownst to us, our subconscious mind wants exactly the opposite.
Jessica explains our subconscious beliefs are there to keep us safe. That part of our brain learns we can survive the hardships (neglect, scarcity, emotional or physical abuse) of our childhood. The subconscious brain scans for those same hardships throughout our life because it knows it can survive them. That’s why we attract partners that have a similar frequency to our childhood homes.
Dufour uses an artful combination of NLP and systemic family constellations to assist her client’s in releasing their false identity to reveal their true authentic self:
When we’re born, we start to mold and adapt ourselves to our dysfunctional homes in order to survive. The child develops this false identity. It’s kind of like an onion; at the core of the onion is the true authentic self, this pureness of the child, the soul that the child wants to develop this lifetime. But when we’re born into these dysfunctional homes, we get these layers of the onion that build up over that core. These layers are that false sense, that false identity. And so with neuro-linguistic programming and systemic family constellation work, what we’re doing is removing those layers of the onion so that we can reveal more of that true authentic self.
Jessica Dufour
Jessica reminds us, taking this journey can be terrifying and takes effort. The good news, according to her, the universe rewards effort.
What’s the big picture? Jessica believes each person on the earth is like a cell in the human body. If every one of us did the work to heal and love ourselves truly, that would shift the frequency of the entire planet.
So dive deep, my friends. I believe there is an ocean of love in each of you and an immense capacity for fulfilling relationships.
Want to hear more? Listen to our conversation, then let us know what you think in the comments below!
Content warning: These recordings contain depictions of abuse that some listeners may find disturbing or triggering. Please care for yourself. Listener discretion is advised.
If you’d like to connect with Jessica, schedule with her here.
Stay curious,
Caroline
Caroline Exner is a Healing Conversationalist and Ceremony Facilitator supporting her clients on their journey inward. Find out more about her work or schedule a session with her here..
Image and video from Jessica Dufour.
