Hello, empaths, clairsentients, and other feeling beings.
Today we are creating energetic boundaries.
Boundaries have been on my mind recently – energetic boundaries, to be specific.
Energetic boundaries are differentiation tools. They give clarity and choice regarding what makes you, you, and what makes anything else, not you.
I believe we have infinite choice about what we’d like to be and not be. Unfortunately, most of us learn to take identities and feelings on passively. We aren’t taught how to be intentional about our choices.
Energetic boundaries help us choose intentionally. This type of boundary works with (you guessed it) energy, which can have massive effects on our physical bodies and environments.
Last week, I worked with a few clients noticing their enmeshment with others, a symptom of neglected or nonexistent energetic boundaries. Their noticing was the first step towards lasting change and change we did!
Then as fate would have it, I read an article on diminishing work-home boundaries as a result of Covid-19. The author, Barbara Pocock, writes about ‘availability creep’ – our tendency to answer emails and calls long after ‘normal’ work hours.
Sound familiar?
Nine-to-five is an ancient artifact for many of us, a term some people newly entering the workplace may never encounter (like floppy disk or push-button telephone). This has its benefits and its challenges.
Pocock proposes the ‘right to disconnect’ as a means of protecting our time away from work. She reflects on mandated regulations for businesses and wonders how they may expand. While I agree, systems should be in place to protect humans; I also encourage humans to care for and support themselves.
One way we protect and care for ourselves is by creating and maintaining our own energetic boundaries.
Have you ever turned your computer off or silenced notifications only to feel pulled to check again minutes later?
Energetic ties may make disconnecting especially difficult.
Energetic ties might include: replaying an awkward moment from a video conference, lingering words from a coworker or boss, or fixating on a client or project’s needs.
Other types of energetic ties – in or out of the workplace – are unwanted feelings or emotions (especially when they aren’t yours) and/or troubling or invasive thoughts.
Creating and maintaining healthy energetic boundaries will allow you to disconnect from work and stay disconnected until you decide to re-engage.
Here’s an exercise to help you establish healthy energetic boundaries:
1. Imagine an egg-shaped boundary completely surrounding you
How far away from your body is the boundary? Inches? Feet?
What color is it? Is it opaque or transparent?
Does your boundary have a texture?
2. Notice you have a choice around the quality of your boundary
Adjust the thickness – is it paper-thin or thick like an encyclopedia?
Change the color – make it brighter, now duller
Make the edge closer, so it’s just 6 inches away on all sides
Now farther so it’s 5 feet away on all sides
Notice any shifts in your experience as you make adjustments
Always ensure your boundary completely surrounds you – check overhead, behind your back, and below your feet
Allow your boundary to settle about 18 inches on all sides
This is your personal space
3. Put the word ‘confidence’ just outside your boundary and in front of you
4. Allow ‘confidence’ to join you inside your space
Do you notice any changes in your body? If so, where?
Decide if you’d like ‘confidence’ to stay inside your space or choose to move it outside your boundary and away from you
5. Put the word ‘concern’ just outside your boundary and in front of you
Notice what it’s like to have ‘concern’ outside of your space
6. Invite ‘concern’ through your boundary and into your space
Do you notice any changes in your body? If so, where?
Decide if you’d like ‘concern’ to stay inside your space or choose to move it outside your boundary and away from you
7. Notice your choice regarding what is or isn’t in your space
8. Experiment with other emotional states
Ease, Joy, or Certainty
Worry, Anger, or Doubt
9. Experiment with other people’s energy
Imagine your partner, parent, or boss just outside your boundary
Move this person inside your space, note any differences in your body
Decide where you’d like this person to be, notice you have a choice in the matter
10. Experiment with anything you’d like
A project, a memory, a pet, etc.
While we set this exercise up related to work, energetic boundaries can and do work in all kinds of circumstances. I have found mine especially helpful in crowded places and when I feel unsafe or unsure.
I trust you know best. You get to decide what to include and exclude in your life based on your personal preferences. Creating your own space with energetic boundaries is one way to make that happen and often leaves us feeling freer and more empowered.
Did you try the exercise? What was your experience? Join the conversation in the comments below.
If you’d like to learn more about energetic boundaries, check out this post by Wild Tree Psychotherapy.
Would you like extra guidance establishing healthy boundaries (energetic or otherwise)? Reach out for personal support.
Stay curious,
Caroline
Caroline Exner is a Healing Conversationalist and Ceremony Facilitator supporting her clients on their journey inward. Find out more about her work or schedule a session with her here.
Featured image by Isaiah Rustad. Minneapolis, United States. Girl Power.
In-text image by Luca Bravo. Aliprandi Arredi, Brescia, Italy. Desktop after work.
