Good day, curious beings.
Let’s talk about healing generational trauma through family constellations!
Each of us comes from a vast, deeply rooted lineage full of folks who both suffered and flourished. Your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and further back had struggles and successes, all of which insured your life today (thank you, ancestry!). While these people are physically gone, their experiences can and do live on within you.
Our loved ones’ past experiences (even those outside our conscious awareness) can affect our current relationships, the choices we make or don’t make, and the outcomes of our life.
Yes, I said that correctly!
Your life is greatly affected by those who came before you.
One way to discover how is through family constellations. Family constellations provide a space to learn how you’ve been connecting to your lineage and conscious choice regarding the nature of those connections in the present and future.
How are our ancestors affecting us? In part by generational trauma.
According to trauma therapist Tamara Hill, most families cope with their traumatic histories through denial or minimization. I’m reminded of the saying, ‘time heals all wounds.’ Except, it doesn’t. Burying our pains, making traumas small, or pretending they didn’t happen all but ensures they show up in generations to come.
In psychological terms, generational trauma (also referred to as intergenerational or transgenerational trauma) is trauma transferred or passed between generations through genetics or taught behavior.
I’d like to propose a third means of passage – energy – by way of unconscious contracts.
Think of unconscious contracts as unspoken family loyalties and/or devotions. Even though we make these agreements outside of consciousness, the consequences show up in every aspect of our lives (relationships, work, thought processes, etc.).
Here are some examples of unconscious devotions we make to our loved ones with the hope of both healing them and belonging with them (remember in the unconscious world, it makes no difference if someone is living or deceased, we might make a devotion to our parent or an ancestor we’ve never know in the flesh):
“I will carry your pain for you.”
“I will be like you, I promise.”
“If it was this bad for you, I will make sure I don’t have it better.”
“I will suffer, so you don’t have to.”
“Because you were left out, I will make sure I never belong anywhere.”
Do any of these resonate with you?
It’s important to note; these devotions are all expressions of love made unconsciously (and often when we are itty bitty). We truly believe we’ll make it better for them by having it rough ourselves. While this line of thinking is quite honorable and sweet, it isn’t effective.
When we suffer, there is more suffering in the world. When we prosper, there is more prosperity, and when we love, there’s more love. Uncovering and releasing these contracts allows more room for prosperity and love. This not only benefits us but sets future generations up with more choices.
How do we let go of unconscious contracts? Cue family constellations.
Family constellations are energetic work meant to uncover and resolve hidden family dynamics affecting your life. There is no easy way to explain the mechanics of family constellations which brings me to a favorite quote by Authur C. Clarke:
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
I believe constellations fall into the ‘sufficiently advanced technology’ category; thus, they can be difficult to explain or grasp conceptually. The work often seems magical, awe-inspiring, and otherworldly. Luckily, the mysteriousness doesn’t take away from their effectiveness.
During constellations, we energetically connect with representations of our lineage. Somehow the representations come through clearly and reliably – no spiritual prerequisite needed. These representations offer us insight into what’s creating our current experience. They may also encourage processing and change.
Family constellations are held in groups or one-on-one with a facilitator. However, you choose to be with your lineage is right for you.
We do this work to observe and acknowledge consciously what’s been unconsciously affecting our lives. Acknowledgment is the first step towards freedom.
Some dynamics we look at in family constellations are perplexing ailments (unexplainable migraines, digestive issues, etc.), familial or societal traumas, family curses, odd coincidences, unescapable patterns (abusive relationships, accidents, break-ins), and overwhelming emotions (depression, anxiety, fear, etc.). Oftentimes people reach for constellation work because they’ve exhausted all other avenues towards relief.
Constellations communicate both literally and metaphorically. Sometimes there is a direct line of connection (i.e., sudden and unexplainable depression onset at the age of 32, which corresponds with a grandfather who died tragically in WW2 at the same age), other times, the entanglements are less forthright. Whatever we find, we trust it to be true and accurate. We acknowledge each piece with appropriate respect and gravity.
Humans tend to push away our pain consciously, but unconsciously we grip it with an iron fist.
When we acknowledge and then include the painful bits of our history with love and respect, we allow them to be where they are rather than forcing them into the present moment via ominous avenues.
Simple acknowledgment invites big relief and allows us to make new choices.
In family constellations, we discover what’s behind your experience, acknowledge what’s been true (for everyone involved), and then restore the system to function properly. Once a person has received the valuable information presented in family constellations, their unconscious mind goes to work, creating opportunities for new experiences and ways of being.
In healing yourself, you open future generations to new possibilities and expanded choices. Win-win.
Keep in mind; you don’t have to have a family constellation facilitated to receive healing from one. In a group constellation, one can experience profound changes by representing someone else’s family member or simply witnessing. There is a commonality in our experiences, and it’s beneficial to see the overlap from one family to the next.
Want to learn more about family constellations? Check out this post by Camille Adair.
I always believe, you know best. The most effective way to understand this type of work is to experience it firsthand. Please reach out if you’d like to experience, witness, or participate in a constellation.
Have you experienced a family constellation? Tell our readers about it in the comments below.
Stay curious,
Caroline
Caroline Exner is a Healing Conversationalist and Ceremony Facilitator supporting her clients on their journey inward. Find out more about her work or schedule a session with her here.
Featured image by Evgeni Tcherkasski. Long autumn shadows. Dortmund, Germany.
In-text image by Rod Long. Mum’s hand reaching out to share a moment with her great-grandson.
